How to Prepare for a Track Day - Oregon Style
T-7
Start obsessively checking the weather forecast.
T-6
Check weather forecast.
Spend 4 hours in garage listening to classic rock and tightening bolts.
T-5
Check weather forecast. Say loudly that long range weather forecasts are meaningless.
Tell wife not to plan anything for the week because you have a track day on Friday
T-4
Check weather forecast. Swear. Tell wife to apply for transfer to Colorado.
T-3
Check weather forecast from three providers. Disregard two unfavorable forecasts.
Mention casually to wife you’ll need to take lunch on Track Day. Just PB&J and carrots.
T-2
Do not check weather forecast. Declare that meteorology isn’t a real science.
Spend evening in garage listening to modern rock and rotating tires.
Mention to wife that you’ll need some fruit for your lunch. And something to drink.
T-1
Check weather forecast. Submit yourself to the will of weather gods and ask them humbly to favor you.
Lay out hydration strategy and purchase 36 gallons of beverages.
Mention to wife that you’ll need something salty with lunch, “like Pringles.”
Eat a light, balanced supper of protein, starch and ice cream.
Track Day
Get up ten minutes before alarm goes off.
Feign surprise when your wife gets up to make you lunch. Pretend you meant to do it all along.
Feign surprise when only 10% of hydration strategy fits in trunk.
Give wife wedding ring. Tell her “it’s safer to drive without a ring.” Do not mention hot track groupies.
Pack car. Fidget. Pace. Pretend to talk to your wife. Watch clock.
Leave half an hour before you meant to.
Enjoy.
Tags:
Humor, Motorsports, Oregon, WeatherRelated posts:
August 29, 2008 1 Comment
Liveblogging Death Star Construction
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T-Day Deathstar
“Please steady the Death Star.” Words I never thought to hear. This year, Jeannine, Jim & I trumped our two previous Thanksgivings and assembled the Lego Death Star.
Like the Thanksgiving turkey itself, this takes more than one day to accomplish. Since the three of us once together worked on large construction projects for a very large semiconductor manufacturer, we found humor at every turn.
Random quotes:
“I don’t think the Emperor had much sympathy for unions. The Empire was definitely a right-to-work empire. ”
“These aren’t the blocks you’re looking for”
“It’s not my fault, I’m just the assembly contractor. Clearly the subassembly contractor is to blame.”
When the center pillar had to be reassembled:”Thank God we’re doing construction in Zero G.”
When I indavertently caused a structural failure:”Stop work and report to the nurse’s trailer for a drug test!”
When Jim & I had separately completed supposedly identical sections that didn’t match, and then he said:”It’s not you, it’s me.” Ahhh - what sweet sweet words.
Upon completing the center girdle:”The Emperor is most pleased with your apparent progress.”
When we thought, on page 90,we were missing a critical piece:”To the Lego Store!” (Piece was found, crisis averted.)
Jeannine: “Damn it Jim, your death ray isn’t straight. Make it stiffer.” Jim: “Hey - it’s an older Death Star.”
Final Count:
Number of pieces (nominal): 3449
Number of pieces left over for unknown reasons: 15
Number of pieces cleverly used by the Lego designers as scaffolding then removed in final assembly: 4
Number of pages of insructions: 100
Number of high fives after a milestone reached: 50 plus/minus 5
Number of old college cheers used: 2
Number of cheers involving natural logarithms: 1
Number of cheers involving cows: 1
Number of attempts to make the death ray actually shoot death: Several.
The Video Proof
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The glowing death ray!
Tags:
Humor, ThanksgivingRelated posts:
November 25, 2005 Comments Off
